i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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