i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am available for nakedness
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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