addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
