i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
