Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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