he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
