the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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