I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
