thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
