I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
