My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
