Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
