Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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