He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
