I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
