there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
