her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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