I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
