i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I die, sorry about rent.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
