It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
