hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
