her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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