Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
