Buhtt sex?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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