Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
