I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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