a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
