he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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