Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we're so committed to being not committed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
