i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
