The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
