if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
