i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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