rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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