I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
