i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
