Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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