Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
did i just pee glitter
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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