sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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