i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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