Your face is a jimmy john
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
