Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
