Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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