I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
