If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
