Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
