You made me cry and you don't even care
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
