I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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