My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
