bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
