You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
