Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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