u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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