When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We talked him into tasing himself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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