The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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