I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
