so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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