She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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