im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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