My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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