Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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