very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize