I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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