i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
