Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
