you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
