Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize