whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
