The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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