just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
