So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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