A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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