Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
