Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
