apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
