So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
